Irish Funerals
I had a pretty crappy Christmas this year. I mean the run up to Christmas was good, and I totally missed out on the usually omnipresent ticking clock that would, most of the time on my trips home, hover over my face reminding me it was all almost over. Again.
No, this Christmas there was a death in the family. But rather then focusing on the specifics of the death, which was terrible and pretty much out of the blue, I'm going to say something about Irish funeral practises, because, as I stood there, shaking hands with thousands of people I'd never seen before in my life, the torturous irreverence of thing was pretty plain.
You see its handshakes. Handshakes and Irish People. Does anyone know how to do a proper handshake? Has anyone out there actually been taught any sort of specific technique? I know I wasn't. As the hours passed and the entire Beara peninsula filed into the funeral home to proffer a limb I became increasingly insecure about my ability to handshake at all. You see.. I don't think I know what it is I'm supposed to do, and I don't think anyone out there knows either.
There are several classes and indeed sub classes in handshaking.
for example
1. The shaker
This is a person who will grasp you hand firmly and will gyrate his arm or hand up and down, his hand will gyrate swiftly from the wrist, up and down like hes shaking an inverted salt cellar. If the whole arm is involved, as seems most common, then the elbow will be locked and the whole L shaped construction will rock back and forth from the shoulder. As in most handshakes one of the shakers will sort of twist and stoop forward looking up at where the opposing shaker's eyes should be.. the eyes however are not always there.
Shaker subclasses include:
i. The dominator - someone who will over ride the direction/speed/intention of the partners shake, it doesn't matter what the other person is doing, their hand is going exactly where you want it to go, this is NOT a negotiation. I AM A POWERFUL BEING seems to be the general psychology of the thing.
ii. The negotiator- someone who takes the impulses of the partner and goes with them, possibly throwing in a varient of their own to jazz the thing up etc, here both feel in control, its what hand shakes really should be all about. I am led to believe however that most negotiatiors are negotiators by happy accident.
2. The Supplicant
This is a person who will simply hold out their hand and will allow you to do anything you want to it, shake it up and down, hold it for a minute, place a boiled egg in its palm etc.. two supplicants meeting will probably have some difficulties as many supplicants will never make any move to actually grasp the others hand, simply holding out their hands, a hand waiting to be enveloped. Both supplicants would likely stand, arms out stretched until the end of time, or indeed til one or both parties collapse due to dehydration/ sleep deprivation.
3. The Dead Fish
The most mysterious of the shakers, they don't really proffer their hand at all, at least not physically, for somehow you know their intention is to be shaken with. The arm hangs limply by their side, like a stocking filled with damp potatoes.. somehow you know they want to have this appendage shaken, and when you do.. it remains dead. Simply dead. A cold lifeless thing. It provides little in the way of comfort and once wagged around a bit and released it will flop back to its initial place like a sandbag on a rope. Possibly some pendulum action.
Problems will of course arise from a clash of styles.
As the night progressed I found myself most varients, barring the dead fish, some people accepted a dominating shake gladly, while the person 3 shakes down the line seemed to flail about in my grip like Fay Wrey in the grip of King Kong. I became increasingly insecure almost everything, the grips tightness, the grips angle, how forceful my shaking motions should be, the swiftness of my swoop towards the proffared hand, how deeply to penetrate past the c next to their thumb with my own etc etc...
Then of course there is the difficulty in disengaging. Some people twist their hand away from you, as if they've suddenly woken to find a lunatic clinging onto them. Others hold on for far far far too long, gripping tenderly? Reassuringly? Menacingly? So then one has to twist you own hand away as there is possibly a lunatic clinging onto you.
Others, quite a few at this particular funeral in fact, had other ancillary obstacles to present to shaker with. Missing thumbs, Strange slimy/fishy/smelly hands, Tough granite/leather/bark like hands, Other individuals some how combined strange slimey and tough.
But I guess if I knew a single one of them it would have made a difference. Friends who have no idea how to accept or proffer a handshake can be forgiven without thought, after all, its not something we learned at school. Should it be? It wouldn't take long. Has anyone done any research into this?
But complete strangers, whose eyes throb in shock at suddenly being confronted by a new face; its difficult to forgive them when the only aspect of their character available to you is indeed their terrible terrible handshake not to mention, as sometimes occured their crazy hairy/pockmarked/mishapen/deformed faces.
Indeed the very fellowship of mankind was often deflected by the majorities propensity to avoid eye contact. Maybe 97% of the people I shook hands with looked off to the right as they did so, they were holding my palm, but the words they were saying were certainly not for me.
But they were doing what they were expected to do. They were being seen, and they were providing the only support they knew how to give. The fact that 3 hours of hand shaking is more then slightly torturous seems to be something besides the point. The real question is simply is it helpful? Shaking hands with a thousand strangers while a loved ones shell sits by, tucked into a lacy box. It is mad. A positively mad way to spend ones time.
But helpful? Possibly. It did distract me from my emotions. Distract while, by virture of being a funeral, provide some element of closure. And after all, isn't that the very purpose of such rituals? That, and unwieldy blog entries.
No, this Christmas there was a death in the family. But rather then focusing on the specifics of the death, which was terrible and pretty much out of the blue, I'm going to say something about Irish funeral practises, because, as I stood there, shaking hands with thousands of people I'd never seen before in my life, the torturous irreverence of thing was pretty plain.
You see its handshakes. Handshakes and Irish People. Does anyone know how to do a proper handshake? Has anyone out there actually been taught any sort of specific technique? I know I wasn't. As the hours passed and the entire Beara peninsula filed into the funeral home to proffer a limb I became increasingly insecure about my ability to handshake at all. You see.. I don't think I know what it is I'm supposed to do, and I don't think anyone out there knows either.
There are several classes and indeed sub classes in handshaking.
for example
1. The shaker
This is a person who will grasp you hand firmly and will gyrate his arm or hand up and down, his hand will gyrate swiftly from the wrist, up and down like hes shaking an inverted salt cellar. If the whole arm is involved, as seems most common, then the elbow will be locked and the whole L shaped construction will rock back and forth from the shoulder. As in most handshakes one of the shakers will sort of twist and stoop forward looking up at where the opposing shaker's eyes should be.. the eyes however are not always there.
Shaker subclasses include:
i. The dominator - someone who will over ride the direction/speed/intention of the partners shake, it doesn't matter what the other person is doing, their hand is going exactly where you want it to go, this is NOT a negotiation. I AM A POWERFUL BEING seems to be the general psychology of the thing.
ii. The negotiator- someone who takes the impulses of the partner and goes with them, possibly throwing in a varient of their own to jazz the thing up etc, here both feel in control, its what hand shakes really should be all about. I am led to believe however that most negotiatiors are negotiators by happy accident.
2. The Supplicant
This is a person who will simply hold out their hand and will allow you to do anything you want to it, shake it up and down, hold it for a minute, place a boiled egg in its palm etc.. two supplicants meeting will probably have some difficulties as many supplicants will never make any move to actually grasp the others hand, simply holding out their hands, a hand waiting to be enveloped. Both supplicants would likely stand, arms out stretched until the end of time, or indeed til one or both parties collapse due to dehydration/ sleep deprivation.
3. The Dead Fish
The most mysterious of the shakers, they don't really proffer their hand at all, at least not physically, for somehow you know their intention is to be shaken with. The arm hangs limply by their side, like a stocking filled with damp potatoes.. somehow you know they want to have this appendage shaken, and when you do.. it remains dead. Simply dead. A cold lifeless thing. It provides little in the way of comfort and once wagged around a bit and released it will flop back to its initial place like a sandbag on a rope. Possibly some pendulum action.
Problems will of course arise from a clash of styles.
As the night progressed I found myself most varients, barring the dead fish, some people accepted a dominating shake gladly, while the person 3 shakes down the line seemed to flail about in my grip like Fay Wrey in the grip of King Kong. I became increasingly insecure almost everything, the grips tightness, the grips angle, how forceful my shaking motions should be, the swiftness of my swoop towards the proffared hand, how deeply to penetrate past the c next to their thumb with my own etc etc...
Then of course there is the difficulty in disengaging. Some people twist their hand away from you, as if they've suddenly woken to find a lunatic clinging onto them. Others hold on for far far far too long, gripping tenderly? Reassuringly? Menacingly? So then one has to twist you own hand away as there is possibly a lunatic clinging onto you.
Others, quite a few at this particular funeral in fact, had other ancillary obstacles to present to shaker with. Missing thumbs, Strange slimy/fishy/smelly hands, Tough granite/leather/bark like hands, Other individuals some how combined strange slimey and tough.
But I guess if I knew a single one of them it would have made a difference. Friends who have no idea how to accept or proffer a handshake can be forgiven without thought, after all, its not something we learned at school. Should it be? It wouldn't take long. Has anyone done any research into this?
But complete strangers, whose eyes throb in shock at suddenly being confronted by a new face; its difficult to forgive them when the only aspect of their character available to you is indeed their terrible terrible handshake not to mention, as sometimes occured their crazy hairy/pockmarked/mishapen/deformed faces.
Indeed the very fellowship of mankind was often deflected by the majorities propensity to avoid eye contact. Maybe 97% of the people I shook hands with looked off to the right as they did so, they were holding my palm, but the words they were saying were certainly not for me.
But they were doing what they were expected to do. They were being seen, and they were providing the only support they knew how to give. The fact that 3 hours of hand shaking is more then slightly torturous seems to be something besides the point. The real question is simply is it helpful? Shaking hands with a thousand strangers while a loved ones shell sits by, tucked into a lacy box. It is mad. A positively mad way to spend ones time.
But helpful? Possibly. It did distract me from my emotions. Distract while, by virture of being a funeral, provide some element of closure. And after all, isn't that the very purpose of such rituals? That, and unwieldy blog entries.
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